Buffalo River

Last night around 7pm we drove down to the Buffalo River for a swim. The parents said it was so it was not as hot and crowded..I thought it was perfect so I wouldn't be seen in the bright daylight in my pregnancy swimsuit. Thats right..I am not pregnant right now...hush! Anyway, we did alot of floating..fat floats, the kids were on rafts I didn't need one...

At one point Norma and I were wading and catching the kids as they floated down towards us being pushed by the water and got into a conversation about colonics. How the heck we got into that I do not know. Let me think. hmmm, coffee enemas came up, and the part where my holistic friend had a coffee maker on the back of her toilet which I thought was very convenient. She later told me why it was there which I thought was very gross! My coffee ideas went right in the toilet after that.

Well I have no idea how or why it would...oh yea, we were talking about my fat ass losing some weight. If you look right here I am in the pool.

Fasting came up and I brought up cleansing which lead us to colonic. I have had one of these have you?

So you go in and there is soft music playing like you are going to get a massage. The "doctor" takes you into a small room with an aquarium on the wall and a table bed to lay on with just your shirt on. Yep, your t-shirt..not a robe, not even a paper robe! So I am laying there on my side and I see her bring over a tube to insert in my butt...bear with me...I was like is that a garden hose? It was like a freaking garden hose with an applicater on the end. So now I was picturing her in the garden with the same freaking hose! She inserts it, I was thinking..you better have some lubricant and a tapered end or that is not going anywhere! So they put it in and then turn on the spiggot. I felt like I was in her garage with the hose and spiggot and you guessed it...the thing I thought was an aquarium...nope. So I feel the cold water going up to my stomach she pushes on your stomach a little then turns off the water and starts to point at things in the glass tube aquarium. Sick! Parasites, fecal matter,...McDonalds cheeseburger??? hmmm I knew those things were not real meat! Then I am thinking "oh no, are we all using the same hose!" So we get to the end and the doc pulls out..hahaha....and...spills the water on me!!! Yes, spills the water on my t-shirt. Oh yea. I said it. She SPILLED THE WATER ON MY T-SHIRT! By this time I know Norma is never going to have one of these procedures. And I am walking out to the waiting area with poop water on my t-shirt!

Anyway, if anyone is planning on having one of these procedures....enjoy.

We had fun the rest of the evening laughing with the kids..I was a little worried at one point of becoming beached in the shallow end as I floated on my belly, and someone pulling me back in like a beluga whale in the arctic.